Get Off the Life Raft: You’re Squishing My Hips

We all know if it had been up to her, Kate would have skooted over. But James [“My fists are made of ham, but everything I touch turns to gold!] Cameron needed Leo to die somehow, so….Get off the damn raft pretty boy!

Still, while our economy sinks like the you-know-what because of can’t fail [can’t sink] bonds [boat], watch out for the fat ass rich scrambling to stay on top of whatever shit is still floating – they are vicious.

I remember once leaving a very posh benefit at the Met, I was leaving the affair feeling all classy and shit when I stepped onto 5^th Ave. to hail a cab. I was elbowed out of the way by a silver haired woman in a designer gown as if that cab were the last one off the island before the peasants revolted.

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Tyler Brûlé  used to be on my Top Ten List of People I’d Most Like to Hit, but then I took him off it because who really cares? Now, however, he’s popped up in New York magazine shilling yet again for empty consumerism and calling it style.  I still didn’t care enough to put him back on the list, but then I noticed [somehow for the first time] that “Tyler Brûlé” is about as real as “Häagen-Dazs.” This d-bag had the chutzpah to add both an acute accent mark AND a circumflex to his last name, and it worked like a charm. We deserve everything we get.

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Man of  the People

I’ve always felt bad about being annoyed by the aural leakage of people’s cheap headphones on the subway. I thought, “Who am I to complain at having to hear the tinny blowback from their crappy music when these poor folk clearly can’t afford better headphones.” It took a few years to get past my middle class guilt and realize that these poor folk had their cheap default headphones plugged into hi-tech mp3 players. Cost of iPod Touch: $250. Not being willing to spring the extra $20 for a decent pair of earphones: just plain cheap ass.