Bullet Point Wednesday Apr 15

[ok, so it's Friday, fire me]

• At  Last! 

[Game of Thrones on HBO]

This poor schnook has been wandering the planet dressed like this since he betrayed Frodo over a decade ago. I'm glad he's working again. All is forgiven.

• Nice Job Frenchie!

[France Bans the Veil--http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/12/world/europe/12france.html]

We should now rightly heap all the enmity we wrongly heaped on them for not backing Iraq II. 


Speaking of which, why did we heap all that scorn on the French and not the Germans who also didn't back Bush's folly? Why were people dumping their Bordeaux but not their Mercedes? Had we hurt the Germans enough with the whole frankfurter/hot dog thing back during WWI?

• This is Why I Live Here

Russian Girls Rhythmic Gymnastic Team walking down 9th Avenue! I want my own hula hoop case!!

• Global v. Local

We were planning a trip to the ballpark for four, and we had two days/times to choose from. I asked my associate which time she would prefer to see the game: Friday evening or Saturday afternoon. In lieu of reply, she asked:

1. Who's playing?
2. How much are the tickets? 
3. Should I not go? 

After a while I was able to return the conversation to the initial question, and she suggested a time.


Later I pointed out that I had learned through this question [more pointedly than ever] that she had a global approach to answering questions whereas I might approach the question more locally. She asked me what I meant by "global v. local." I mentioned her asking a series of questions around the initial question before she actually answered it. She seemed confused, "Well, how else should I have answered?" 


"By telling me what time you wanted to go."


 "Oh."

• "Hero" Was Exactly the Word I Was Looking For!

[Non-Italics are mine]

...To many, Mr. Charney [American Apparel guy] is not only a somebody but even something of a hero: finding a new niche in a saturated market for cotton basics by refusing to make them overseas [or with actual thread] (despite other companies moving operations abroad); crusading for workers’ rights; and successfully marketing the idea that young adults should embrace their natural sexuality [yeah, that's it]...

---New York Times, April 13, 2011,
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/14/fashion/14CHARNEY.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=dov%20charney&st=cse

Hey, dude, embrace this. 

Bullet Point Wednesday Apr 6

 [a new weekly feature when I remember to do it]

• Take a Walk, Zach

I just saw this pic of Zach Snyder. Surprised to find he's a normal/decent looking dude. Having previously only seen his films [300, Watchmen, Sucker Punch] and not his face, I was convinced that:

1. He’s never been outside, and
2. He’s never gotten laid

• Ew

I was thinking that Mick Jagger is beginning to look like my grandmother, then I realized Mick Jagger could have slept with my grandmother.

• Al Pacino Has Been Cast to Play Matisse

Now that he’s ruined blind people [Scent of a Woman] and Jews [Merchant of Venice] for us, he might as    well go all out and ruin one of the two pillars of 20^th century art as well. Wait til you catch Russell Crowe as Picasso!

• News Line of the Week

from the wires

“He was a loving, caring individual,” said an emotional Snoop Dogg (no relation), who reportedly got a tattoo of his friend’s face the day before.

Wait! Does that mean that Donald and Daffy aren’t related? Queen Elizabeth II and Godfather II also not? 

Me sad. :(

• Heads Up!

Just walked by a truck that had Acme Safe Co. written on it.

• Fisher Stevens Directing John Leguizamo’s One Man Show

           Here’s how they decided to work together:

Fisher Stevens

[in voice that mocks his repulsive nerdiness but is really very angry about]

...I'm an annoying twerp

John Leguizamamo

[in voice that mocks his Latino-ness but don’t you dare ask him to do it Seinfeld, you racist Jew you]

or alternately

[with a very cute lisp]

OMG…Me too!

FS & JL

[together]

Let's team up!

• Lamest Cry For Help of the Week 

      AND 
      Lamest Excuse of the Week

Beth was out with Simon, and I was in the middle of preparing tacos for the six boys sleeping over for Max’s 11^th birthday [We couldn't just do pizza like everyone else. No….] One of the kids told me that someone was knocking at our door. It was our new neighbor, a mom of two boys:

Neighbor: Do you have mice?

Me: Occasionally.

N: What do you do?

M: Feed em. Kill em. Depends.

N: I mean what do you do when you catch one. We have one on a glue trap, and I can’t get hold of the super.

M: I guess keep trying him.

N: But it’s squeaking, and the squeaking is really bothering my sister. [?]

M: Sorry, but I’m cooking for six boys now.

N: But my husband isn’t coming home for an hour!

M: Well, I guess you’re going to have to woman up and kill it yourself.

N: Oh, I can’t do that. I teach yoga.

NY Times 3-31 The Good & The Bad

Oh Goodie! Another Thing To Be All Retro About: Typewriters!!

[The reason this piece is late is because I wrote it on a wonderful old Remington. Then retyped it because of typors. Then had it set in type face, printed, and fed manually into the interweb]

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/31/fashion/31Typewriter.html?ref=fashion

What’s going to make a comeback next?

• Slide rulers? -- just love the feel of the wood, the incomprehensibility!
• Beepers? -- need I say more?
• Belted sanitary pads? --  I really like to feel protected
• Pogroms? – veiled anti-Semitism is so done. I want to be hated to my face, have my home trashed, really feel the loathing.

Kids Doing Real Woodworking

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/31/garden/31kids.html?_r=1&hpw

I’ve tried for years to get my kids in actual cooking classes not the only kind you can actually find in New York City, the pudding-stirring-stay-away-from-heat-and-sharp-objects-you-precious-little-idiot-you classes. It’s like the first thing a seven year old would do in front of an open flame is put his face on it because it’s so bright and colorful. As if even if kids were that stupid, then all the adults present supervising would somehow be so inept or inattentive that they would let them.

Sorry I have to go now, Simon just flipped the steaks on our hardwood charcoal grill with a pair of tongs more than half his height, and I have to stir the pudding. [Actually Simon did that two summers ago when he was six. The following fall he got to chop celery with a plastic knife at the JCC].

I never did find a decent cooking class, but at least these dudes have stepped up with real tools!

Dear Whitney:


I am a parent of a student in Ms. F.'s third grade class, and I accompanied the class on its visit to the Edward Hopper exhibition today. I want to thank the museum for accommodating us and for giving the students the opportunity to see the work firsthand and in an uncrowded setting.

Edward Hopper, Barber Shop (1931)

I know that the Whitney has always placed great import on arts education and for that I am also grateful. Because I know the high value you place on education, I am moved to write to implore you to reevaluate some of your approaches. Today's guide was a sweet person who clearly valued her charges but also did them a bit of a disservice in her talk. 

On the first painting they looked at, my son mentioned that the bridge in it was the Brooklyn Bridge. It was the Queensborough Bridge. Rather than correct him, the guide praised him. This set the the tone for the talk. Her theme was that Hopper was intentionally ambiguous in his paintings to leave interpretation open to the viewer''s imagination. While mystery and ambiguity no doubt play a large part in Hopper's work, there are certain clues in his paintings that are incontrovertible. Allowing kids to miss those clues grossly undersells the work and underestimates the students.

Since my days as art critic, I have been teaching a good deal of art and English literature. I find that many students seem to deplore both. I believe that a lot of this loathing stems from students being taught that any interpretation is valid. Instead, it would be far more beneficial if students were taught that artists and writers often make choices for very specific reasons and that those choices suggest meanings that could take students beyond their own subjectivity [even eight year olds want to learn something more than the contours of their own minds].

After many years, the self esteem movement at large has taken a few steps back. It is time for it to do so in arts education as well. It is all right for children to lose occasionally and it's also all right for them to be told that the Queensborough Bridge is not the Brooklyn Bridge or that a painting called Barber Shop is not set in a science lab. Instead of leading the students to see that masterpiece as a character study of a manicurist in repose, a minor character idle in a busy barbershop elevated to heroic stature by her central placement in a shaft of brilliant light, our guide let the students go on about her being a painter, someone waiting for a haircut, etc...

Ugh.

Thanks for your time and efforts.

Atomic-holes

Flint & Frum -- Complicit A-Holes

Lobbyists, pundits and  think-tank shills routinely escape taking responsibility or paying the price for either being obscenely wrong or for pushing for causes they know to be obscenely wrong [“Free markets will regulate themselves!” “Once we invade Iraq, democracy will flourish!”].  It is galling that these people are allowed to spew their toxic propaganda with impunity especially when it is hard to believe that they are not aware of the criminal negligence inherent in their words. On the heels of the snowballing nuclear disaster in Japan, the atomic lobby has released a  rapid response team into the media and the halls of Congress with a fervor usually reserved for fighting actual nuclear meltdowns. These creatures however, are not fighting to save lives, but to save $360 billion in Federal loan guarantees.

Yesterday,  I absorbed a fair amount of nuclear poisoning from both tv and the radio. CNN covered a day in the life of Alex Flint, a lobbyist for the Nuclear Energy Institute, as he ran around Washington putting out anti-nuclear fires. He held a closed information meeting which 150 members of Congress attended and spent the rest of the morning sitting directly behind Department of Energy Secretary Steven Chu as he testified before Congress. One of the talking head type A-holes, David Frum, speaking on Marketplace, even used the conceit that he just bought stock in uranium shares on the grounds that, “If the danger from this shock is contained, nuclear will have passed its most extreme test.”

Frum’s commentary is not just wrongheaded but also criminal. Forget the growing fear  that nuclear will NOT pass this test, and the horrible dread we are all beginning to feel that Japan will, literally, be living with the fallout from this catastrophe for decades. Even if all radioactive leakage were to stop this instant, there is no way to know that this will be nuclear’s  “most  extreme test.” Of course that is the biggest problem with nuclear energy.

Nuclear energy should not be allowed to continue as it is currently constituted precisely because the consequences of an accident at a nuclear power plant are so dire and because the world is fraught with so many “unknown unknowns.” What if instead of targeting the World Trade Center, the 9/11 hijackers had aimed their jets 70 miles north at the Indian Point Nuclear facility? Or what if, oh I dunno’, there’s an earthquake in California [that’s kind of a known known]? Or what if....well, you get the idea.

Later in his chat, Frum goes on to say that  “the principal alternative to nuclear power is coal, and that the hazards of coal are less spectacular than the hazards of nuclear, in just the same way that the hazards of driving are less spectacular than the hazards of flying.” When Frum, a seemingly intelligent man [he used to write economic speeches for George W. Bush] starts tossing around such specious syllogisms, I begin to speculate that perhaps he bought those uranium shares with money from the uranium industry and notions of true criminality dance through my head.

Freedom of speech is a hallowed and inalienable right, but you still can’t yell “Fire!” in a crowded theater or, in this case, “No Fire!” in a nuclear meltdown.

Oh Oscar!


Went to see The Fighter. Trying to fight my anti-stereotypical Boston film bias. It's a stereotypical Boston film (set in Lowell) AND and a stereotypical boxing film AND it looks like it was shot on a flip cam through a lens dipped in clam broth. However, Russell, as ever, has wrought great performances from his actors including Amy Adams who looks great with a tummy but gets lost in the final act, Mark Wahlberg who creates the strong backbone everyone gets to hang their ham on, Christian Bale who canned the ham and Melissa Leo who smoked the ham and nailed it to the screen. There is absolutely not one false note in her performance. It is truly remarkable. If Leo doesn't win Best Supporting Actress, the quintet who played her daughers should.


As for Best Film, I have seen seven out of ten nominated pics. I have not seen The Social Network [for reasons discussed here previously], The King's Speech [if you think I have a anti Boston film bias, you should hear what I think of small, well wrought Britishy oh Brit films], or 127 Hours [I know how it turns out]. Of course either Social Network or King's Speech will probably win, but I'm hoping that either The Black Swan or Winter's Bone wins. Winter's Bone has no chance, but wouldn't it be wonderful if, as Beth suggested the hill women from Winter's Bone slugged it out with the Ward women from The Fighter? The Black Swan is the most complete film of the lot save one, but it probably turns too many people off on its face. The one film that was better than The Black Swan and better than any of others on the list, is the most complete of all ten, the richest, and most fully realized. The film also contains the most enduring characters, some of the finest ensemble work you'll ever see in a movie and it was, by far, with only Inception [the boys' pick] coming in second, the most well crafted and visually stunning of all the Best Film nominees. This movie will NEVER win, but it should because the best film of 2010 was Toy Story 3.

Reposted by popular demand:

Ski Day with Beleaguered Dad in 82 Steps: 

1. Wake up
2. Make coffee
3. Make breakfast for boys
4. Get boys dressed, loaded with gloves etc.
5. Get self dressed, loaded
6. Load car w skis, etc.
7. Forget lift tickets
8. Drive to slope
9. Park
10. Get Max in ski boots
11. Get self in ski boots
12. Carry skis etc. to slope
13. Take Simon to ski school desk
14. Get ski school pass
15. Go to ski office to get temporary lift passes for day
16. Wait for and get temporary lift tickets for day
17. Find Max give, him pass, send him off skiing w no rendezvous plan except the one he forgot from last time
18. Take Simon to rental place
19. Get Simon boots and board
20. Take Simon to ski school at foot of bunny hill
21. Go back to ski school desk to sign Simon up for another hour b/c he just missed first 15 minutes of 60 min lesson
22. Explain to guy at ski school desk that I’m the beleaguered dad
23. Go get my own skis on
24. Try to find Max
25. Give up and go skiing
26. After two runs, run into Simon getting onto the ski lift w his instructor: asks me “Where’s Max?” [he cares about his brother!] then tells me I was getting paged
27. Run into ski school desk
28. Ask if it was they who paged me [Yes and they knew it was me, beleaguered dad, Max was looking for, so after he waited around a while until they told him to go ski and meet up w me at noon when Simon’s lesson would be over]
29. Noon: all reunited at last
30. Back to lodge to eat lunch
31. Get table
32. Get food [one cheeseburger, two orders of French fries, a cup of cookies, two hot chocolates and a Diet Pepsi = $32]
33. Eat lunch
34. Take Simon back to bunny hill and leave him there, so I could ski w Max whom it turned out I had left alone for two hours
35. Do two runs w Max, drop a pole off ski-lift on first one
36. Pick up Simon
37. All take lift
38. Simon and I get off lift half way up hill, Max continues to the top
39. Watch Simon board, fall, board, fall, board, fall, board…until he gets tired of my watching him board, fall, board, fall, board, fall and sends me to the bottom to wait
40. Do it again
41. Meet up with Max and we all go to top of mountain
42. Watch Simon board, fall, board, fall, board, fall…
43. Using video cam on cell phone, I video Simon boarding while I ski with one pole. [Back in NYC, Beth disappointed I only videoed Simon]
44. Watch Simon board, fall, board, fall, board, fall…until he gets tired of my watching him board, fall, board, fall, board, fall and sends me to the bottom to wait
45. Do it again
46. Send Max to lodge to get himself hot chocolate
47. Simon and I return to rental place to return his board and boots
48. Go to ski repair shop to look for guy who sold us skis in November on the super cheap
49. Find guy
50. Ask for new pole and snowboard and boots for Simon [I realize now that Simon’s boarded twice, the skis I bought him will be useless]
51. Go outside to check my pole size [no jokes here please], second pole gone
52. Lewis [the ski repair guy] sells me used board and boots and set of poles
53. Cost of boots and board: $50  -- Not having to wait for Simon to get rental equipment next time and thereafter: Priceless
54. Get Max from lodge
55. Buy water for Simon and myself [flop sweating is really dehydrating]
56. Bring Max to ski repair shop while Simon is getting fitted
57. Listen to black guy make anti-semitic crack to Lewis
58. Pay Lewis
59. Bring gloves, hats, scarves, new poles, board, boots and boys out to pick up area in parking lot
60. On way out of rental place pass two guys dressed like they’re trolling for paparazzi at Sundance instead of for night skiing at Catamount
61. Almost get in fight with two guys, who are dressed for night skiing at Catamount like they’re trolling Sundance for paparazzi, because as I passed them I couldn’t help saying, “Really?"
62. Leave boys to get car
63. Take off ski boots
64. Bring car around
65. Load car with boots and boards and gloves and hats and scarves and boys
66. Leave mountain
67. Go to supermarket, leave boys in car listening to music
68. Buy food for dinner
69. Get home, unload car
70. Crack a beer and some pain meds
71. Make dinner
72. Eat dinner
73. Make the boys clean the damn kitchen
74. Nod off watching Monty Python w the boys
75. Wake up to put them to sleep
76. Put them to sleep
77. Tell them I love them to which Simon responds, “You don’t have to rub it in.”
78. Shower off flop sweat
79. Watch golf on Slingbox
80. Draw
81. Read Time and Again
82. Sleep

Hey Charlie. I'll do it! I'll do it!

"Hur, hur, hur!"

from New York Magazine, Feb 13 article
Fight Like a Pretty Boy --
Where male models go to prove they’re not Ken dolls.

http://nymag.com/fashion/11/spring/71649/

“Rockstar” Charlie explains, “I’ve been fucking decked at these things, but I’m not worried about it,” he says when I ask why he’d risk those cheekbones now that his career is picking up speed. “I wouldn’t mind if my face looked more like a boxer’s. It would give me some more character. I’m just like, ‘Come on, break my nose!’”

If This Is What You Get When You Put Up a Bird Feeder....

Good thing we didn't put up a cat feeder!