Bullet Point Wednesday Apr 6

 [a new weekly feature when I remember to do it]

• Take a Walk, Zach

I just saw this pic of Zach Snyder. Surprised to find he's a normal/decent looking dude. Having previously only seen his films [300, Watchmen, Sucker Punch] and not his face, I was convinced that:

1. He’s never been outside, and
2. He’s never gotten laid

• Ew

I was thinking that Mick Jagger is beginning to look like my grandmother, then I realized Mick Jagger could have slept with my grandmother.

• Al Pacino Has Been Cast to Play Matisse

Now that he’s ruined blind people [Scent of a Woman] and Jews [Merchant of Venice] for us, he might as    well go all out and ruin one of the two pillars of 20^th century art as well. Wait til you catch Russell Crowe as Picasso!

• News Line of the Week

from the wires

“He was a loving, caring individual,” said an emotional Snoop Dogg (no relation), who reportedly got a tattoo of his friend’s face the day before.

Wait! Does that mean that Donald and Daffy aren’t related? Queen Elizabeth II and Godfather II also not? 

Me sad. :(

• Heads Up!

Just walked by a truck that had Acme Safe Co. written on it.

• Fisher Stevens Directing John Leguizamo’s One Man Show

           Here’s how they decided to work together:

Fisher Stevens

[in voice that mocks his repulsive nerdiness but is really very angry about]

...I'm an annoying twerp

John Leguizamamo

[in voice that mocks his Latino-ness but don’t you dare ask him to do it Seinfeld, you racist Jew you]

or alternately

[with a very cute lisp]

OMG…Me too!

FS & JL

[together]

Let's team up!

• Lamest Cry For Help of the Week 

      AND 
      Lamest Excuse of the Week

Beth was out with Simon, and I was in the middle of preparing tacos for the six boys sleeping over for Max’s 11^th birthday [We couldn't just do pizza like everyone else. No….] One of the kids told me that someone was knocking at our door. It was our new neighbor, a mom of two boys:

Neighbor: Do you have mice?

Me: Occasionally.

N: What do you do?

M: Feed em. Kill em. Depends.

N: I mean what do you do when you catch one. We have one on a glue trap, and I can’t get hold of the super.

M: I guess keep trying him.

N: But it’s squeaking, and the squeaking is really bothering my sister. [?]

M: Sorry, but I’m cooking for six boys now.

N: But my husband isn’t coming home for an hour!

M: Well, I guess you’re going to have to woman up and kill it yourself.

N: Oh, I can’t do that. I teach yoga.